Four

In the film Finding Forrester (2000) Sean Connery played a reclusive writer, a Salinger copy. William Forrester lives in the Bronx who rarely leaves his apartment and just writes, doesn't publish. When a young black kid on a stupid dare goes into the recluse's apartment and runs out leaving a schoolbag full of his journals and this leads to the fledgling writer student/voracious reader becoming a pupil of the great recluse writer. The film was interesting as director Gus Van Sant is but one piece of technical advice was what hooked my mind and guts. He sits Jamal into a typewriter and tells him to type. Just type. That it doesn't matter right now. So on. I'm not quoting the film but it's the gist of it. This line in the film was advice identical to advice I had read reading interviews of writers. So here I am, typing about nothing, a completely stupid introduction, meandering and useless to get the following out: I'm writing. Writing. It doesn't matter what I write. Humans are dumb animals. You can say what like. You can dream your little dreams, but the facts are the facts and they're indisputable. People hate for good reasons, people sin for good reasons, but the majority of the time, the majority that fills history books is proof that people are as stupid as a box of shit. Aristotle said something to the effect of man being a creature of habit. I agree. So here comes the writing. If I write every day, I'm a writer. I just have to be honest with myself. That's the tough part. Honesty with yourself means knowing how and when and where to differentiate truth from lie. It means knowing who you are. It means accepting that you're a dumbshit. Admiting this- I am a dumbshit- has the following effect, on me at least, maybe you shouldnt try this at home. If you admit your limitations, you prepare yourself not to be limited. You accept the obvious and never forget it but you move past it. This is why "saints" never think they're saints, their sins keep them grounded. And that's something that's missing from today's world, the grounded people. People say they're grounded. Horseshit. They totally ignore the fact that their inner thoughts and emotions are unchanneled, running rampant, chaotic. Now this might be all well and good. World was shit, we came from the mud, we'll be mud again, let it all go, let it go down the tubes, we've been enduring this paltry existence for thousands of years now. That theory might have something to it, hell, a lot to it. I'm not interested in this too much. My own personality has never been a stable one. I'm like the wind, one minute I blow this way, another I come from that way. All I'm interested in is writing.
And here it is. Eat it. Now I'm ready.

The fuck it all theory was born a long time ago but in modern times began in I think full force and regalia during WWII. During WWI it was a baby. Come WWII, millions are killed senselessly. Hitler, the bomb. Boom. Blues gives birth to some screwed up twins named Rock and Roll. Rock is the aggressive one, the one who needed to be hugged, the one with the heroin habit. Roll is the elusive one, the cool one, the psychopath, the one that gets caught with 20 bodies in its back yard and then doesn't say anything when it goes to the chair, just stares and smiles. So we are still in the fuck it all era. Forget Aquarius, I'll eat Aquarius for breakfast, raw. This is the fuck it all era and we see more and more evidence and it piles up in front of us like trash bags during a garbage strike but we ignore it, we make things up like pride, and self-respect, religion, and god to explain why we're slipping into the primordial goop we came from. Some comedian recently said, he used to clean ashtrays in one job of his. He said, when you wet ashes they become this sludge. That's what we are. I believe him. Completely. There are no rights, there is no country, and there is no God. That's my right hand. My left hand says, make something out of nothing. Be the watchmaker. Be God. Be the I am. Be the I am who I am.